But through thick and thin they've gone away

Second day here...and I'm being followed by my own personal paparazzi. I swear if Matt takes one more picture of me I'm going to hang him by the camera strap.

( Atleast they're semi cute )

( He even has strangers taking pictures of us. )

He's such a dork. I'm having a great time...

( Private )

So I got to LA perfectly fine, slept most of the way on the plane. Did you know that first class seats are soooo much better then coach. They even give you champagne. Mmmmmm...anywho...Matt picked me up from the airport. He looks so different from high school. He finally let me listen to the song. Not my kind of music, but it's sweet, a love song. Makes me think...alot. Well here is a little sneak peak. The artist is Matt White. I get to meet him later today.

Well I'm all packed! I can't wait to leave in the morning. I have a first class ticket to LA waiting for me at the airport. Finally got ahold of Matt who informed me that his boss is letting him produce his very first music video. He's so excited. I went to high school with him, who knew he'd end up in LA working with famous stars! Haha. But the first name that came to mind when he had to cast a female...was me. I <3 Mattie. Anywho...I should get some rest. LA awaits!

( Private )

Am I being silly? Do I really think things could change? Do I really think I can change? I'm Lily Daniels's daughter, a wanderer, a lost and confused soul. A girl who doesn't get weak in the knees or bat my lashes at every boy who walks past me. I don't dress in pretty dresses and parade myself around town with my skirt so high that if I bend over you could see my ass. I have more respect for myself then that. I don't understand a whole lot about what is going on in my life right now and it annoys the hell out of me. Who the fuck have I become?

( Private )

Today is the day to work on new music. I have the song that me and Eli are working on done. Carter has something in the works, I hear him working at 4am every morning.

Mental note to self: call Matt and she what this project of his is. I'm getting impatient.

My fingertips are holding onto the cracks in our foundation,
and I know that I should let go,
but I can't.
And every time we fight I know it's not right,
every time that you're upset and I smile.
I know I should forget, but I can't.

And every time we fight I know it's not right,
every time that you're upset and I smile.
I know I should forget, but I can't.

Made it to Louisville. Drove the almost 8 hours here. Spent most of them sleeping. Figured I'd get that in while I can. I don't know how much sleeping we are going to get while we are here. Alot of skeletons and ghosts coming out of the woodwork.

We'll be away for a couple of days...Charlotte don't burn down while we're gone.

Got a call from my buddy Matt before we left. He's going to be in town next week and has a little project he wants to fill me in on. Not sure if I should be excited about this 'project' of his. Last time he had a 'project' for me, I ended up in the middle of nowhere tied to a tree. Don't ask...it was high school he tried to do a "Blair Witch" type movie. Used me for bait I suppose. Anyways...got to wait and see just what he has up his sleeve this time.

All I wanted was a nice cup of coffee yesterday. Maybe sit for a little while and just watch people walking on the sidewalk. Maybe try and write some songs for our next show, or even just sit and be silent for a couple of hours. I knew I shouldn't have left the house. I knew nothing good was going to come out of going out. So why did I? Because deep inside I was hoping everything would blow over, no one would recongize me and thus no one had any reason to pay me anymind. Damn was I wrong. A girl can wish can't she? I haven't left the house today, still too afraid to leave. It was scary to be surrounded by people like that, and not in a good way. I can handle fans, I can handle fans wanting autographs or pictures. I can handle fans that want to know what's the meaning behind a song. I'm good with fans. But when people start shoving recorders in my face hoping to get a quote or comment out of me. I panic. And what's worst of all, I feel like I fell into their little trap. I gave them just what they wanted. Another story. Another lie. Another life ruined. I'm so not looking forward to facing either of them.

( Private )

I need a drink.

Days like this is when I miss my mother the most. Days when I feel like the world is coming down around me and I don't know what to do. She use to sit me down, make me a cup of tea and we'd talk about what's going on in my life. We'd talk about how to fix things to make them better. Or if we can't fix them how could we turn them to our advantage. Or we'd come up with stupid conversations about frogs and toads or unicorns, just to get my mind off of things. I miss her a lot. I have her urn setting on the cabient in the living room so its easy to talk to her but she doesn't talk back. I just want to hear her voice. I still have a voicemail from her that I saved. I listen to it every now and then just to hear her. I miss her.

( Private )

But I've been searching for a long, long time
I thought the devil was a friend of mine
I turned my back on everything that was true
And wasted years that belong to you

It took so long for me to see
That I'm a victim of nature and me
Left to myself I realize
I am the maker of my own demise

But you accept me every time and again
And never mention just how selfish I've been
Why must it always take me so long to see
That I have fallen but you will forgive me?

( Rated R for bad language )

( Private )

Packing for Vegas...and Carter isn't here to help. Hmm....go figure that one. All I gotta say is he better get his ass home before I leave for the airport or he is going to be stuck here. Hung over and taking care of himself. No..."Ellie bring me some asprin". "Ellie I need some water". I swear that freaking boy is the biggest baby when he is hung over. But I love him.

Back to packing...a couple days in Vegas should do us good. Clear our minds...hopefully it clears his writers block. I'm tired of him locking the keyboard in the closet because he's mad at it. It's starting to scare me a little.

I-I-I-I need a cigarette and a bad bitch
Come be my soccer ball and get yo ass kicked
I like my pizza cold, I like my glass full
I don’t like bullshit, but I like red bull
I smell like Guns and Roses
I look like money bitch
I taste like Rock n Roll
I make her lick her lips
And all the drama’s dead
Im in the past life
I forgot her name but I remember last night
You can do what you do
I done did enough
I’m on that gangsta shit
I don’t give a f-ck
Weezy

I, I'm driving black on black
Just got my license back
I got this feeling in my veins this train is coming off the track
I'll ask polite if the devil needs a ride
Because the angel on my right ain't hanging out with me tonight
I'm driving past your house while you were sneaking out
I got the car door opened up so you can jump in on the run
Your mom don't know that you were missing
She'd be pissed if she could see the parts of you that I've been kissing

Screamin'

No, we're never gonna quit
Ain't nothing wrong with it Just acting like we're animals
No, no matter where we go
'Cause everybody knows
We're just a couple of animals
So come on baby, get in
Get in, just get in
Check out the trouble we're in

Found something sweet on the island with the daughters of eve( ... )

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